please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
