So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And then he peed in my hair
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