i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
