8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
