New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just google imaged poop.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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