I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
