one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
These tits shall not be calmed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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