k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
well you can't waste a boner
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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