he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
