a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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