i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
