Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
