He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
