woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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