Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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