I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
