Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
