haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
