The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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