Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
