So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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