I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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