so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
