I want to make a zoo with you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
