She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
