Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
