That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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