my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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