i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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