I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
