I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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