you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
