The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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