I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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