Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
