There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
