I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
