I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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