You're earring is so big in my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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