I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
