she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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