Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
