Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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