Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize