Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
