Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
