I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So many bounce houses so little time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
