Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Found your dick twin last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
