your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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