The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Text me some of your sweat
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
