Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
