She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the day after is always just damage control
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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