I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
