omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
