i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
