my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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