South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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