I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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