so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pants are for mortals
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
