somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
