Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
